Father God

I grew up in a foster family, but maybe not the way you'd expect. When I was about 12 years old my parents decided to open up our home for children that needed a safe place to grow up. Through the years I've seen over 50 children come and go in our home. Some stayed for a few days, others stayed for many years or even became part of the family.

Being the biological child in a foster family gives you a unique view of Home. As 'the original children' we knew what it meant to have a safe home and loving parents. But we also witnessed first hand what it meant to grow up in unsafe situations and how deeply this can affect you.

When I was in my twenties and had already moved out of my parents' house, God spoke to me about His Fatherhood for me. I had severe difficulty understanding why He would even mention this. My parents had taken me to church from birth on and I gave my life to the Lord when I was seven. As long as I can remember I was told that I'm a child of God, so why would God speak to me about something I already knew? Every time He said: “I'm your Father”, I simply responded: “Yes, I know! Thank you”. Though it was clear to me He was trying to tell me something I just really didn't understand.

Some Sunday afternoon when I visited my parent's house, God used our family situation to show me what He meant to say. He simply said: “Look” and I started noticing. I noticed how the foster kids asked for a drink or even needlessly asked if they could use the bathroom. I noticed how they were reluctant to ask my parents for a favor or show moods that are less fun like grumpiness, sadness, or disagreement. I noticed how some kids deliberately pushed my parents away because they expected rejection and would 'rather get it over with'. And I noticed how some kids tried to make themselves small so they'd take up as little space as possible.

I noticed how incredibly different I felt in the same house, as I was fully confident that my parents loved me too much to ever reject or replace me, no matter what I might do. And I realized that God was trying to tell me “I am your Father, not a foster father!”

I realized that though I sang “You are everything to me”, I didn't even trust Him to accept me if.

That's when I realized I had been calling God my Father, but related to Him with the fear and uncertainties of a foster child. Just like the kids in our house, I expected rejection when I made a mistake. Instead of feeling the freedom to be myself or approach Him just as I am, I tried to make myself into a 'perfect little girl', because I thought I wouldn't like me anymore if He found out who I really was. I hid my emotions and doubts and I limited the number of times I asked Him for help because I was afraid to spend the limited amount of favor and patience

I had genuinely thought I knew God's unconditional love for me and was devastated to find out how little I thought of Him. I realized that though I sang “You are everything to me”, I didn't even trust Him to accept me if. Thankfully, God is good and when He shows us our limitations, He does so to set us free from them!

Jesus already knows we're not perfect and even understands and empathizes!

Hebrews 4:15-16 says:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Jesus knows our weaknesses. He already knows we're not perfect and even understands and empathizes! Pretending to be perfect is only obstructing our relationship with God because the degree of realness in a relationship is directly related to the depth of it.

We have an open invitation to walk into God's house. He doesn't desire for us to walk in with the fear of rejection of disappointment, but with the confidence of a child that knows he'll be met with love, grace, and mercy every single time. Just like earthly children, who didn't pay for the house they live in but still make it their home, we get to find a true home in God.