Personal Testimony:
Hearing Gods Voice

I grew up in a pentecostal and (later) charismatic church. Though I love the foundation it built in my life, I always struggled to build that personal relationship that I heard people speak about and even thought I had accomplished that for a long time. In church, I was always taught that you developed a relationship by reading the Bible and praying, so that's what I did diligently. In childhood, I had a few powerful encounters with the Lord. Because of this, and because I did all the right things I figured 'this must be a personal relationship'. I failed to recognize that I just went through the motions of a relationship without the actual connection.

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"I cried out to Him in desperation but didn't find the
breakthrough I needed and felt even more lonely."

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While I tried to be the perfect Christian girl, my heart suffocated by rules and regulations, fears and bottled up childhood trauma. I was depressed and deeply lonely. I cried out to Him in desperation but didn't find the breakthrough I needed and felt even more lonely. Deep inside I felt there had to be more to God than I knew, but I was too afraid to search for Him beyond what leaders and preachers taught me. Too afraid to backslide and lose the only thing I had going for me. So I held on to the powerful encounters in my past for dear life and kept praying and reading my Bible, just to keep my faith in God.

 

All that changed when I was in my early twenties and was invited to sing at a prophetic conference. The teachings and practical exercises during that week opened my eyes in a major way. Though I knew God spoke through dreams, I believed these were always special dreams that you could immediately recognize. On the nights of the conference I dreamt and started paying attention to them. With the help of wonderful mentors, I discovered that God had always been speaking to me, I just hadn't recognized His voice. I was like Samuel in the temple: hearing God's voice, but needing a mentor to help me recognize it and teach me how to respond to it. In the months and years to come God showed me many more ways He speaks and many more levels of this.

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"Hearing God's voice is what changed my life."

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Hearing God's voice is what changed my life. It was the breakthrough I had been looking for and changed my life for several reasons.

Understanding that He has always spoken to me, even in my deepest desperation, started healing the disappointment and pain of the difficult years before. It wasn't always easy to understand what He was saying, partially because God likes speaking in riddles and partially because I was terrified of Him communication He was displeased with me or giving me a task I wasn't ready for. As I learned to understand and noticed His gentle kindness in the words, my trust started growing. Little by little, we developed this relationship of genuine love. Through His words, I learned He really wanted me to be myself in His presence: including all my wounds, failures, struggles and emotions. Now that I recognized His personal involvement in my life, this theoretic Lord became a Friend and Father.

I felt Him hold my hand when my father had a heart attack. When I stepped out in something and failed, He told me He was proud of me for trying. When I had low self-worth He showed me what He thought of me. When I was happy we danced through the house together. When I doubted myself He showed me the plans He had for my future. As our relationship grew I also asked Him more about His heart and He started randomly showing me things.

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"It's awesome to hear a teacher or preacher speak about God's love for you, but what we really need is to hear God Himself declare His love for you personally."

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Hearing and recognizing God's voice is the key to having a personal, genuine relationship with Him. It's where theory becomes reality, where the Bible comes alive, where rules become love. It's awesome to hear a teacher or preacher speak about God's love for you, but what we really need is to hear God Himself declare His love for you personally. Asking others to prophesy over you can be incredibly powerful and needed, but it can never replace your personal relationship. If we're longing for more, we need Him. We need His voice, His touch, His Love.